XtaticBlue

I have no right asking you to love me, When all I feel about myself is loathing and disgust. I have no rights asking you to stay with me, When I cant even face myself in the mirror. I have no rights asking for your empathy, When all my emotions are negative. I have no rights asking you to trust me,When every day I lie to myself. I have no rights asking you to support me, When I struggle to stand on my own two feet. I have no right asking you to believe me, When I'm fooling myself that everything is OK. I have no right to ask you to look at what I am becoming, When I'm too ashamed to look you in the eye I have no right to ask you

I don't intend to offend, anger or upset anyone. Its not in my (clean) nature. In fact the only one who should react badly is me. That's the whole point. So I apologies in advance. Except to Me. You don't deserve it yet.

So. Where to start. I’m not going to call this a diary in the traditional sense of the word. It’s not even really a Journal of my life. Just thoughts, regrets, ideas and revelations. Why? Had a nasty shock Christmas. Slightly the worse for wear after a few beers, I got up in the night and fell down a full flight of stairs, cracking my head open amongst other numerous injuries. Nothing too serious, but it did scare me. Not the fall. Just not remembering the fall… Could have been caused by the bang on the head, but I doubt it. Most likely because of the drink. And there it is, the admission. After months (years?)